Is love real?
The author of this blog is too intelligent to fall for a positive answer. Yeah, many of you might read 'intelligence' as the manifestation of the 'sour grapes syndrome'. But, believe me, that is not the case here.
Love is just a thought. If you think you are in love, you are. They say love is a beautiful feeling that just happens. Really?
First, feeling or emotion is a just a manifestation of a mishmash of innumerous thoughts, most of which we never know existed. Anything other than the involuntary physiological activities has to have an origin in the brain. Plain and simple. But if it is all about thoughts, how does one have that beautiful feeling of “butterflies in the stomach” on seeing the loved one(s)? Hormones. Just like a surge of adrenaline readies you to fight or flee in the face of danger.
Second, the notion of chance i.e. “it just happens” is the biggest farce. Well, probably it might be true in the case of irreparable idiocy or an abnormally strong memory, which holds dusty archives of “pona jenmathu” experiences. Probably they forgot to add a few words i.e. “it just happens for a reason (or rather multiple reasons, many forgotten)”.
There is a very commonly used, yet seldom understood animal called “unconditional love”. BS. You say the love a mom has for her daughter is unconditional? Think again. It is “unconditional” as far as the daughter behaves. As long as she meets her mom’s expectations. Let her marry a guy against the mom’s wishes and then you will see how “unconditional” the love was. The existence of love is contingent upon the extent to which the expectations are met. Love is about managing expectations. Unmet expectations lead to undesirable consequences, which leads to pain. Yeah, something like what the Buddha said about the root cause of human suffering.
I say, love isn’t, lust is. Love is just an excuse to do or not to do something. It is a concept of convenience that has to be economically viable, emotionally satiable and politically stable. That is asking for too much, huh? Like the Impossible Trinity or economic trilemma? How about friendship? Is it not unconditional? I think most of you are not stupid enough to ask this question in the first place. Anyway, for the others, the answer is no.
So what if love is predicated upon meeting expectations? Is it not that stuff that makes life worth living? I have my own doubts. That said, I have been and will be stupid enough throughout my life to fall in love. And intelligent enough to come out of it, when I had to, with lesser scars. ;)
I am reminded of the lines from my fav comic book hero, Lucky Luke.
"I''m a poor lonesome cowboy, and a long way from home..."
Tail piece:
Actually, what made me write this is the irresponsiveness of a few of my online/offline friends. He/she might have had his/her own reasons to not to respond to me. But the pain is real. A "F*ck off. Don’t ever talk to me again" is much better than a refusal and slow withdrawal. At least, it helps me reset my thought engine immediately and go on.
16 comments:
SK, I would want to agree that thought manifest itself into our actions.I really dont know whether emotions can be decoupled from the thought process perse as long as we are humans with a physical form.I was wondering about the thought process of a baby inside a mother's womb, i almost wanted to conclude that physical want of food takes precedence than the intelligence there.
Regarding the unconditional love, i too feel the same with you, relationships goes for a test once the rules are deviated.I can't agree more that friendship is more unconditional than any other relationship i have felt.
I am not going to define love because, all i would end up is only describing its characteristics rather than what it is.
You love sthy which is born out of complete understanding.It is not necessary that you need a human to fall in love, some people are obsessed with thoughts and some with actions.
It is all where one wants to be and love what.But you just cant live without being in love
Regarding the disclaimer Oh My God ..I want to agree, you are a human who can think about a thought !!!
Good Post !
Sara
Etho rewind panni pakkara effectavae erukuna
{{I really dont know whether emotions can be decoupled from the thought process perse as long as we are humans with a physical form.I was wondering about the thought process of a baby inside a mother's womb, i almost wanted to conclude that physical want of food takes precedence than the intelligence there.}} That's the difference between sthg physiological and sthg pschycological. that's why i say, lust is, love isn't. however, lust too can be controlled if train yourself to think.
and reg friendship being unconditional, it s because the expectations are less, i wouldnt say none. the lesser the expectations are, the more unconditional it is. my point is we can make our relationships a lot easy to manage and avoid hurt if we can be frank about our expectations. n more than that, recognize the contradicting expectations.
{{You love sthy which is born out of complete understanding.}} really? v love sthg that makes us happy/excited. n not always out of complete knowledge. prolly tht was th answer from the nerd in you.
sk
I would not rather discriminate it as physiological or pschological, I would rather put that as a what/need in some form.
there are certain realtionships which can go on without expectation and others cannot.. A student expects knowledge from the teacher..the realtionship is born out of this expectation
Regarding the love thing.. happiness is an outcome of the process of understanding ..
{{I would not rather discriminate it as physiological or pschological, I would rather put that as a what/need in some form.}}
why not? you need nuances prof. y do you want to make it hazy, unless u dont want to understand? isnt the diff between th physiological and psychological needs strikingly obvious? we have a lot lesser control over phys. needs than pscychological ones.
Relationships without expectations? Show me one!!
{{Regarding the love thing.. happiness is an outcome of the process of understanding ..}} understanding what? understanding each one's expectations and accomodating them.
I am not matured enough to comment on what is love. I don’t ‘understand’ it. But I sure can share with you what I think is the manifestation of love is. Try taking one of the just born pups away from its mother dog. The mother will either follow you with eyes that seem to plead, or bare her teeth at you threateningly, depending on how familiar you are to her. But I don’t know how more ‘unconditional’ love can be. “It is a concept of convenience that has to be economically viable, emotionally satiable and politically stable.” In this case, it is definitely not the first or the third. You might argue that it agrees to the second concept. Emotion is the key word here. What is the emotion that the mother experiences in parting with the new born pup?
I don’t know dog’s psychology, or whatever science that is relevant here, to comment on that. But I leave the readers to decide what they chose to accept. If you are trying to tell me that a father sees his newly born child as his investment for his future, I will take it with a pinch of salt. For me, a daughter not meeting a mom’s expectations may incite the emotion ‘anger’, which dominates the emotion ‘love’ for a period of time that depends on the mother’s ego.
For now, I would like to believe that I am as capable as a dog in showing the emotion love.
Shiva
I can't be more unconditional in accepting what you say !!
{{I don’t know dog’s psychology, or whatever science that is relevant here, to comment on that.}}
Manithar unarnthu kolla ithu manithar kaathal alla?? :P thanks, you proved my point. Now, whether the bitch bares her teeth or just looks at you depends on what she "recognizes"/"thinks". If she thinks u might hurt the pup which she "recognizes" to be her own, she warns you with a throaty growl and a flashy show of her canines.
Somebody told me we learn by emotions - emotions create the thoughts which make us intelligent. I dont know how it can be, given that emotion, by definition is a reaction. I agree its a loop, but what emotion we have depends on how we interpret the stimuli (what we "think" it means). I also agree that some emotions like fear are products of evolution, which essentially a learning process that spans eons.
{{If you are trying to tell me that a father sees his newly born child as his investment for his future,I will take it with a pinch of salt.}}
Dont you think the father loves his newborn because he recognizes/thinks it is his own? Will he love it even when you tell him it is his neighbour's and he believes what you said? Even if he doesn't believe it, wont he have a lingering bitterness in his mind?
{{For now, I would like to believe that I am as capable as a dog in showing the emotion love.}}
Exactly. That's because human "love" is complicated by the expectations from the relationship.
When we recognize the expectations/thoughts behind love, we can choose our response. I remember a very interesting model from Stephen Covey's book (7 habits of highly effective people or Effective leadership, i dont remember exactly). Stimulus -> response. Elongating the arrow, i mean, thinking before the response lets u radically alter the response. the more the thinking gap between them, the more easy for you to generate and choose an appropriate response to enrich the experience.
My point is simple. If thoughts lead to what we feel/say/do, managing thoughts can help you enrich ur love/life. this is the operating principle behind Behaviour Therapy. All i say is thinking is the key.
You hit the nail on the head man! I have nothing to add to the original post.
"Love is the most beautiful of dreams and the worst of nightmares." William Shakespeare
navin
so mothathula shakespeare "love is just a dream (thought) not real" nu solraarunnu solreenga!!
Personally, I think love is an emotion kindling a thought. If everything in the world is just a thought, what different are we from the computers? There is a bit of emotion in everything a "normal" human does. You are of which type?
{{Personally, I think love is an emotion kindling a thought.}}
again dont you see the obvious flaw in "emotion leading to thought". probably the thought tht emotion leads to is the realization of the emotion - "i am angry/happy/sad". But why does that emotion happen in the first place? There has to be a stimulus (something/somebody) - some exogenous element, that makes u emote. and what is inside that black box inside you tht interprets that stimulus and spits out the "emotion" that you feel. That BLACK BOX is what makes ur reaction and mine different. That black box is our thoughts, the only thing is they are wired so well that the decision making happens so fast that you dont feel u really were thinking how to emote. Just like the Pavlovian conditioned response - the mere recognition of that stimuli brings the condition response - the emotion that was hardwired in your brain.
My point is simple. by being aware of the thought process behind our emotions, we can provide ourselves with a choice - to choose emotions that we are going to show. and how this can enrich our lives is pretty obvious.
I was asked by a Osho fan: What is wrong with emotions that come naturally to me?
the term "natural" is not as natural it seems. already too much of human time & energy has gone into tht. we ll save that for another long, tiring post.
whts wrong with me being extremely depressed when i can be extremely happy?
mood swings are symptoms of an unhealthy mind.
according to osho, awareness is the key. even if i committ a murder/rape with full awareness, there's nothing wrong!
Please "read" Osho.
I agree with u that love has emotions attached to it. Dont be shocked but i dont agree that luv in not real.... lets be on the other side of fence always....
Emotions being attached to luv doesn't mean that its not true. Pbly if u say its not out of vaccum, its acceptable. U think of some idea it excites u its not true, but once u implement it, if it makes u happy its real. sme as U see a gal she excites u its just an emotion of lust, u have mutual understanding both of u r ready to sacrifice everything ..... it becomes real, bcos it takes shape. If u dont and part then the luv that existed vanished (was destroyed) but existed in reality. "So luv doesnt originate from vaccum but takes shape in reality."
The most contreversial part of mom's luv, ya mom dislikes her daughter when she goes againts her...emotion... but y she accepts her gracefully say after 1 yr...she is not going to gain or loose... just an luv with emotions attached... repeat the lines in quotes here :)
sk,
When People fail to respond, the priority has a part to play. For example, your mom and your girl friend calls you. And you have to finish your work. You can't afford to take up this call because it might affect your work and whose call would you attend first? Now how do you prioritize?
Your friend might have had some work, she could have been tired, she could have others in a higher priority. So you might have been pushed down the queue. Even a mother has a priority of which kid to respond to, first. Sometimes this response doesn't measure/determine her love. I think the best thing is, not to have anyone in your priority, especially the ones who look at you as an option. When they see you as an option, they don't even care to look at you, unless they have no other things to care about.
"Love is just a thought." Not always. But mostly yeah.
Have you ever fell in love? if not then please don't say anything about it. (for this don't give me prasava valai example)Do you know the real meaning of love? OR how many meanings for love ....
If you are not talking about love (kathal) then you are not clear on your post.
love ..
adakumurai
anger
purakkanipuu
avamaanam
alaikazhipuu ... ithu poola neriya vishayangalai if you don't go thru than you can't explain it properly ... it's not like theekul viralai vittal nanthallaala ...
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